"When you want to express anger to a friend, start by remembering their goodness. " (John Arthur).
“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.” (Ephesians 4:26–27)
Anger is a natural emotion. Everyone feels it at one point or another, even with close friends. But the difference between friendships that survive anger and those that collapse lies in how we express it.
Proverbs 15:1 says, “A
gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” When
handled with gratitude, gentleness, and graciousness, anger becomes an
opportunity to deepen trust instead of destroying it.
There are three ways to talk with friends when you are angry. Carefully read and put these three key ways into practice anytime you have issues with your friend.
1. GRATITUDE: When you want to express anger to a friend, start by remembering their goodness.
Gratitude sets the tone, reminding both you and your friend that your bond is valuable. By thanking them for who they’ve been to you, you soften the conversation and prevent it from turning into an attack.
Instead of saying, “You never listen to me!” you could begin with, “I appreciate how supportive you’ve always been. That’s why I was surprised when you didn’t consider my opinion yesterday.”
This shows respect and keeps the door open for healing.
Gratitude prevents anger from dominating the heart.
2. GENTLENESS: Gentleness does not mean weakness—it is strength under control.
When we express anger gently, we explain how we feel without tearing down the other person.
Instead of using “you” statements that blame, use “I” statements that reveal your heart.
Instead of saying, “You embarrassed me in front of everyone,” you can say, “I felt hurt and embarrassed when that happened.” This removes accusation and invites understanding.
The next time you are upset with a friend, write your
feelings in a sentence beginning with “I feel…” rather than “You always…”
Practice turning blame into honest expression.
3. GRACIOUSNESS: To be gracious is to show kindness and forgiveness, even when hurt.
Talking with a friend in anger requires affirming your trust, faith, and hope in them despite the issue.
This reassures your friend that your relationship is bigger than the conflict.
You might say, “This situation upset me, but I believe in our friendship and I trust we can work through it together.”
Such words
strengthen rather than weaken bonds. After expressing your anger to a friend,
end the conversation with a statement of hope: “I still believe in our
friendship.” Make this a personal rule for every conflict.
In conclusion, friendship is tested not by how often we avoid anger, but by how well we handle it when it comes.
Approaching your friends with gratitude, gentleness, and graciousness allows anger to be expressed in a way that heals rather than harms.
In the end, anger
handled well can deepen respect, honesty, and trust. As Ephesians 4:2 teaches, “Be
completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
Thank you for reading. If you have questions, kindly ask in the comment section, and let's chat. Stay connected.
Kind regards,
JOHN ARTHUR,
AUTHOR & SPEAKER.
Check the following links to buy copies of my books.
1. The Friendship Of Samson And Delilah: Why You Should Avoid Bad Friends
2. The Friendship Of David And Jonathan: Why You Should Have True Friends
3. BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND: How To Love Yourself And Fulfill Your Purpose
4. Dating And Friendship: A New Model For A Lasting Love Relationship
5. BECOMING TRUE FRIENDS IN A TURBULENT WORLD (Friendship Today - Vol. 1)
6. CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS, DON'T LET YOUR FRIENDS CHOOSE YOU