If we want to understand the concept of dating and practice a healthy form of it, one of the first truths we must grasp is that dating is not marriage. Your concept of dating will always determine your conduct in dating.
When two people approach dating with the mindset that they are already married, they begin to act like a married couple rather than two individuals getting to know each other with purpose and wisdom.
There are three major features that distinguish marriage from dating. Unfortunately, these features are often carried into dating relationships and practiced as though the two were the same.
This confusion has gradually distorted the original purpose of dating, especially among younger generations. Once we understand these differences clearly, we can begin to appreciate what healthy dating truly means and commit ourselves to living out its right boundaries.
1. FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITYThe first distinguishing feature between marriage and dating is financial responsibility. In marriage, the man becomes financially responsible for the upkeep of his wife and family. It is his duty to ensure they are well cared for, secure, and protected. This responsibility is both culturally acknowledged and scripturally defined.
1 Timothy 5:8 declares, “But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” The word “provide” in this verse includes financial care, food, shelter, and every necessity of life.
Paul emphasizes that neglecting this responsibility is not just an act of carelessness—it is a denial of genuine faith. However, it is important to note that this instruction applies within the context of marriage, not dating.
In many modern dating relationships, this principle is misunderstood. Men often take on the full financial burden of their partner, even to the point of borrowing money to sustain the relationship. My dear friend, remember this: dating is not marriage.
Sadly, in some families, once they learn that their daughter is in a relationship, they shift their financial responsibility to the young man, expecting him to take over as though he were already her husband.
Financial support in dating is voluntary, not mandatory.
In healthy dating, both individuals are still learning about one another. The man’s role as provider has not yet been assigned—it comes only within marriage. When dating shifts into one person (especially the man) becoming the other’s primary financial source, the relationship crosses a boundary. It moves into marital expectations without marital commitment.
Maintain your independence while dating—marriage is the place for interdependence. True love seeks partnership, not dependence. If generosity in dating is one-sided or driven by obligation, it’s a red flag. Remember: financial provision as a duty belongs in marriage, not in dating.
2. DOMESTIC SUPPORTThe second distinguishing feature between marriage and dating is domestic support. In marriage, running the home together becomes part of the covenant. The Bible says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands… Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church.” (Ephesians 5:22, 25).
Domestic care is one of the ways couples express love, sacrifice, and partnership. A husband may provide financially, but he is also called to help and support practically. Likewise, a wife may manage the home, but her work is complemented by her husband’s care and understanding.
However, in dating, this is not the case. Dating is about evaluation; marriage is about integration. Supporting your partner domestically is not your duty when you are dating. Unfortunately, many people are living in dating relationships as though they are already husbands and wives.
There are young men who cannot wash their own clothes, often excusing themselves with phrases like, “I’m too busy.” As a result, their partners feel compelled to travel long distances, spend several days with them, and take on household chores—washing clothes, cleaning rooms, and cooking meals.
Shockingly, many ladies have accepted this domestic colonization as part of their obligation to their boyfriend. Even when it inconveniences them, they feel proud to serve in that way, thinking it proves love. But my dear friend, wake up! Do not make it your duty to spend days in your partner’s home doing chores that belong to them.
If you occasionally help your partner out of kindness and friendship, that’s fine—it is an act of goodwill. But when such help becomes a routine duty, it crosses a boundary. Dating should not turn you into someone’s domestic helper or housekeeper. A healthy dating relationship respects personal space and responsibility.
Remember this: love shown too early in the wrong ways can blind you to what you truly need to see. In dating, keep your domestic independence. In marriage, you will share a home; but in dating, you are only sharing time and purpose—not household chores.
3. SEXUAL INTIMACYThe third feature that distinguishes marriage from dating is sex. In marriage, sexual intimacy is both permitted and blessed by God. It is a sacred act that honors the covenant between husband and wife and continues the divine process of creation. Scripture says, “The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:3, NLT).
Within marriage, sex is an expression of love, unity, and mutual giving. It strengthens the emotional and spiritual bond between husband and wife. But outside marriage—especially in dating—it becomes a violation of God’s design. Dating partners do not have divine permission to engage in sexual intimacy.
The Bible is clear on this. In 1 Thessalonians 4:3–5, Apostle Paul writes, “God wants you to be holy, so you should keep clear of all sexual sin. Each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in lustful passion like the heathen who do not know God.”
The phrase “keep clear of sexual sin” is translated in other versions as “avoid sexual immorality” or “abstain from fornication.” These words mean one thing—having sex with someone you are not married to is against God’s will. Scripture calls us to abstain from it.
Therefore, dating is not a license for sexual involvement. If you desire to express intimacy through sex, then marry. Don’t use dating as an avenue to satisfy sexual desires. That is not what healthy dating is about.
Sadly, in today’s world, the boundaries have become blurred. Many people begin dating and find themselves in bed within days. Some even have sex on their very first date, and others engage in sexual acts repeatedly in the first month of their relationship. My dear friend, wake up.
Sex is not the proof of love—it is the seal of covenant. The more you engage in sexual intimacy while dating, the greater your chances of losing true connection, respect, and discernment. Sex outside marriage creates emotional attachment that clouds judgment, weakens self-control, and invites regret.
Chastity, on the other hand, is a priceless treasure. It is a gift of strength, dignity, and obedience that every wise and godly person values. Keep yourself pure. Enter into dating with understanding and purpose. Let friendship, not lust, be the foundation of your relationship.
Remember: Marriage gives permission for intimacy; dating gives opportunity for discernment.
In summary, dating is about evaluation—getting to know someone deeply enough to decide whether marriage is possible. Marriage, on the other hand, is about integration—uniting two lives, hearts, and responsibilities under God.
When we blur the boundaries
between the two, we invite confusion, hurt, and misplaced expectations. But
when we understand and honor these differences, we create space for love,
friendship, and godliness to grow in the right order.
Thank you for reading. If you have questions, kindly ask in the comment section, and let's chat. Stay connected.
Kind regards,
JOHN ARTHUR,
AUTHOR & SPEAKER.
Check the following links to buy copies of my books.
1. The Friendship Of Samson And Delilah: Why You Should Avoid Bad Friends
2. The Friendship Of David And Jonathan: Why You Should Have True Friends
3. BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND: How To Love Yourself And Fulfill Your Purpose
4. Dating And Friendship: A New Model For A Lasting Love Relationship
5. BECOMING TRUE FRIENDS IN A TURBULENT WORLD (Friendship Today - Vol. 1)
6. CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS, DON'T LET YOUR FRIENDS CHOOSE YOU