"Don't become a hindrance or threat to your friend's relationship. When they are dating, develop new strategies to stay in friendship with them, but never become a threat to their partner in being in a relationship with them." (John Arthur)
Not long ago, someone asked this question at The School Of Friendship. She asked, "You have a very good friend, but that friend gets into a relationship. And his partner begins to feel insecure about you. Are you suppose to let the good friend you once had go if you are being a problem to their relationship unintentionally?"
There are 3 ways to go about being friends with your best friend when they start dating.
OPTION 1:
You, your friend and your friend's
partner should have a conversation. Letting your friend's partner know you don't
have any intentions of being a hindrance to their relationship. Sometimes when
people are insecure about you, they need you to reassure them that you are not a threat to them.
After this conversation, know how
you relate with your friend. Consider the conversations you have with them, the
hour of conversation, the place, the length, and how you intend to build your
friendship with them afterwards.
The reason you have to do this is
because of the additional relationship on their part. This is to help you
develop yourself into a person who can obey what Jesus said about marriage,
that "what God has put together, let no man cast asunder".
Though your friend and partner are
not married yet, because you love them and want the best for them, and don't
want to be a hindrance to their relationship, adopt different strategies to
build your friendship with them.
It doesn't mean losing them as
friends. You won't lose them, but build that friendship well with them so you
don't become a hindrance to their relationship.
OPTION 2:
No need engaging your friend, and their partner in conversation to reassure them that you mean no harm.
Just work on yourself and your
friendship with your friend, agree on new strategies both of you can use to
build your friendship together. So none of you gets offended when you see a few
changes in your friendship.
The additional relationship on the
part of your friend will call for new strategies to develop your friendship
with them.
So work on those ones and just live
by them. It may mean not calling them as frequently as you used to do. It
doesn't mean you're no more friends, you're still friends. But you're adopting
new ways to building friendship with them because they're in a new relationship.
Remember these 3 quotes,
1. "Best friends don’t
necessarily have to talk every day. They don’t even need to talk for weeks. But
when they do, it’s like they never stopped talking." (Unknown)
2. "Every friendship requires
a different relationship." (John Arthur)
3. “A strong friendship doesn’t
need daily conversation and doesn’t always need togetherness. As long as the
relationship lives in the heart, true friends will never part.” (Unknown)
OPTION 3:
Be friends with your friend's
partner. This can be a bit dangerous if you don't handle it with care. But it
is also one of the best ways if you know how to work it out well.
Once you become friends with your
friend's partner, all of you become friends together and as such no one becomes
insecure or suspicious of the other unless any of you has personal issues with
trust.
For me and my one of my female
friends, when this thing (Question Above) happened, I went by the 2nd
option.
And even lived by it when my friend
got married. And we're still friends now. She's one of my top 7 friends.
In my friendship with my male
friends, I usually become friends with their wives. So we're all friends
together.
Everybody and how they may choose,
but if you take time and think through what to do about your friendship with
them, I'm sure you'll find out which one will best suit your friendship.
Friendships are too precious to
lose, let's protect them. Being in a relationship doesn't mean all your friends
automatically become your enemies. No.
Just know that you have an additional relationship on your part, and develop new strategies to still keep in touch with your friends and live together with them.
Finally, don't become a hindrance or threat to your friend's relationship. When they are dating, develop new strategies to stay in friendship with them, but never become a threat to their partner in being in a relationship with them. God bless you.
I believe these suggestions will help you to navigate through your friendship with your friends when they are dating. If you have questions, feel free to post them in the comment box, and let's discuss them.
Kind regards,
JOHN ARTHUR
Author | President
The School Of Friendship
Very captivating
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