"The Highest Purpose Of Dating Is Friendship." - John Arthur
Real friendship is the core reason for dating. Friendship is basically about knowing each other more, becoming committed to them and helping them achieve their goals and dreams.
And that is basically what dating is all about. We date because we want to know each other more and determine if spending our lives together with this person will help us become more of ourselves and have someone, we can call our buddy for the rest of our lives.
For us to become friends with our dating partners and know them well, there are some basic areas we have to take into consideration. We shall consider seven in this piece and the rest in the subsequent write-ups.
1. HEALTH
Knowing about each other's health life is so vital to the success of your dating relationship. If you are going to stay with your spouse for the rest of your life, it is so crucial that you know their health conditions. Talk about each other's health history.
What sicknesses have they battled with in the past? Are they still fighting those ailments or they are completely out of them now? What do they eat and what do they not eat? Do they have any sickness that goes but keeps coming back every year or every month?
What is their blood group? What is their genotype? There was once a couple who dated for many years and just when they were about to marry, the pastor who was counselling them asked them to go to the hospital to do an electrophoresis test and bring him the report.
Not knowing what the test was all about since it was their first time hearing that, they went to do it and both the doctor and pastor advised that they could not proceed to marry because the report revealed that both of them are AS and if 'AS' marries 'AS' there is one way out of 4 chances (AS, AS, AA, SS) that they'll have a child with the sickle cell disease or commonly known as a Sickler (SS).
Knowing about your partner's health and their medical history, helps you to know them at a very personal level. In 74 the end, it helps you to be a great friend in their lives. “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” (Elbert Hubbard).
2. INTELLECTUAL
Having an understanding of how your partner is compatible with you intellectually is a great way to resolve marital conflict and misunderstandings in the future. Intellectual capacity has to do with our thoughts and perspectives of life.
How well do we process ideas and offer our opinions without condemning the other person? When we share our views on Christian faith, politics and other areas of life, how well do we talk through our disagreements without being disagreeable?
If a guy who doesn't like reading books, is dating a lady who is an avid reader, the question is, are you intellectually compatible? When you sit and talk with each other, do you feel inferior before them or do you feel accepted, comfortable and enhanced to become a better version of yourself?
If every conversation you have with your partner ends up in confusion, accusing each other and calling each other names, you should resolve your differences now that you are dating before you marry. One of the things that is going to happen in a marriage is the development of one mind as a couple.
Oneness of mind does not mean losing your ability to think through your thoughts and ideas; what it means is being able to agree on any subject of concern without looking 75 down on each other and condemning one another.
If you don't become compatible in thoughts, ideas, and perspectives of life, now that you are dating, it will be difficult for you in marriage. Work on yourself, analyze your differences and find common grounds before you marry.
3. SPIRITUAL
Knowing about your partner's spiritual foundations is a key component to enjoying a happy marriage. Your spiritual life will affect every other area of your life. Spiritual matters have to do with your faith and beliefs. Talk well about this area of your life.
Do they believe in God? I was having a conversation with a young lady a few months ago, asking whether or not she would marry her Muslim guy since she's a Christian. She confidently said NO. Then I asked, "Why are you dating him?"
She said he makes her happy and if he leaves her, she will feel lonely. I commended her for being mature enough to face this reality and asked her to do the right thing. If your partner believes in God, what are their spiritual values?
Do they believe in tithing? Do they believe it is OK to marry more than one? What are their spiritual beliefs? Do you agree with each other on these matters? Do they truly love God and the things of God? Or they don’t even like going to church?
How do they respond to you when you raise matters about Christ, and start talking to them about God? Do they accept God’s word as the authoritative standard for their lives, or do they live their lives in ways that please them without any regard for God?
How well are they committed to developing their character in Christ? Marriage will fuse you together as one, as we saw in the previous chapter. Are you ready for such oneness? Are you compatible spiritually? Or you are far apart from each other?
Know the spiritual maturity of your partner and their basic beliefs even before you marry. It will save you years of frustration and tears.
4. SOCIAL
Your social life has to do with activities you engage in for relaxation and recreation. It is one aspect of people's life that they cherish so much. They spend a great deal of their time around this area with or without your company.
Making time to know each other's social interests will help you understand each other better, and appreciate them. Do they fancy tourism and adventure? Do they like spending their weekends at home watching movies, reading, researching and visiting bookshops? Or do they like to spend their weekends going to stadiums to watch football?
Do they like going out with friends to bars, restaurants, hotels and clubs? What do they consider as their social activity and how does that affect your life? Do you enjoy it together or do you leave them alone to go out for their social activities and enjoy it with other people?
5. RELATIONAL
People have people in their lives; no one is all alone. Getting to know this will go a long way to helping you get along with each other. Understanding how your partner relates with people will help you to know what gaps to fill because relationships are everything.
Do they have many friends? How well do they relate with their friends? Are you welcoming to friends of your partner? Are they hospitable to children, strangers, orphans, physically challenged people, and the less privileged in society? Are they respectful or they have no value for people?
Do they neglect you in public when they see their friends or do they stay with you and introduce you to others? What are your strong human relationship skills? How do you attend to the friends and other important people in the life of your partner? Do you shout at them, or you make them leave your presence with joy?
People have people in their lives. You will receive guests at your home. They may be friends, workmates, business partners or church members who may like to visit your spouse. How are you going to welcome and treat them? You have to agree on how you are going to manage relationships with other external people before you marry.
6. EDUCATIONAL
What are the educational or vocational goals of your partner? Sharing information about their educational goals or pursuits helps you to know how to prepare for your marriage and plan properly. Ask them questions about the schools they attended and some of their nicest and saddest moments.
Are they currently pursuing their degree? Are they undertaking a vocation or a skill? How long will it take for them to complete their educational or vocational goals before they marry? What other plans do they have in mind after school?
Can you wait for them to complete school before you marry? Clarify your mind on all these matters while you are dating to help both of you plan your lives together. Don't date someone for three years and when you are ready to marry, they would tell you they want to obtain their master’s degree first before they marry.
You both should have talked this out long ago at the early stages of your relationship. Know about each other's educational or vocational goals and come to a consensus on how you want to put your life together in the future. It helps both of you to understand each other and wait for the other person as you prepare yourself and plan for the future.
7. PHYSICAL
Physical analysis also plays a role in dating. In most cases, your physical psyche was one of the things that got you attracted to each other in the first place. When you start dating don't lose your natural beauty. Take good care of yourself and always look nice.
Pay attention to your outward appearance as much as you keep working on your inner beauty and development. One of the books I would recommend in this area is "How To Be A Gentleman" by John Bridges, and "How To Be A Lady" by Candace Simpson-Giles. Buy them and read them, afterwards, you can exchange them.
One of the things you also have to consider on the physical level is how you touch each other and your respect for each other's body. Don't play with each other's body. Value them. Do they touch you anyhow? Do they abuse you physically? Do they take care of their bodies; as in exercise and eat well?
As you keep growing, you are not always going to be the same person you are today. Especially when you marry. The way your partner looks today won't be the same tomorrow. The guy will increase in muscles and the lady will put on weight due to childbirth.
However, if you manage your body well, take care of yourself well, respect boundaries, and exercise a lot; they will go a long way to improve your health and keep you physically fit. It will keep you attracted to your partner and always make you long for them.
Study current fashion trends and learn a few things from them to look attractive to your partner, as you date and when you marry. Check the clothes you wear and how you dress. Learn more about colour combinations when it comes to dressing and which kind of dresses to even wear for particular occasions.
Give a little attention to your physical beauty as much as you become committed to developing your inner character.
I believe you have been blessed by this piece? If you would like to own a copy of the book that contains this write-up, kindly click on the link below.
Dating & Friendship Book b John Arthur
Thank you.
JOHN ARTHUR,
SOF PRESIDENT
