"Dating requires consciousness and the right perspectives." - John Arthur
Dating is one of the
crucial stages of our lives. It's a period of life which is culturally
acknowledged for young men and women contemplating marriage to get acquainted
with each other. Dating is not a biblical concept, but a socially accepted
phenomenon that is considered as a necessary preparation for marriage.
Understanding the types of dating helps us to easily determine the stage in which we find ourselves, and how we
can make the necessary transition into the next. They will enable us to know
the actions to take to maximize their impact on our lives. These two types of
dating are:
- 1. Causal
Dating
- 2. Committed Dating
Casual dating is a form of dating where two people meet at a particular place at a specific time for fellowship. It is the normal kind of dating where people get to know each other through an activity or a function organized by their school, department, group, or association.
It can be in a form where
a group of friends go out for a party and each of them decides to spend a few
minutes with any of the opposite gender to know more about them. It can also be
in a form where a guy asks a lady out for dinner just for them to spend some
time together to know each other a little.
CASUAL DATING COULD
ENTAIL MORE THAN ONE PERSON
In casual dating, a guy
who asks a lady out to get to know each other more could repeat the same thing
with a different lady. He can choose to go out with two, three, or four
different ladies at different times from time to time just for recreation or fellowship.
Likewise, a lady could also accept to go out with different guys at different times. Due to this, casual dating could be said to be a form of dating where one person could date multiple people at the same time; whether two, three, four, five, six, etc.
Any
of the parties may either know about the other’s dating relationship with
different people or not know about it. But this doesn't mean much, because
casual dating is just a normal relationship of trying to get to know more about
people.
CASUAL DATING MAY OR MAY
NOT BE ACCOMPANIED BY MARITAL INTENTIONS
Parties of casual dating
may or may not necessarily have any intention of marrying the other person. In
most cases, both of them may not even have it in mind at all. It is only on
rare occasions that one of the parties may have a marital intention as they get
to know more about those they go on a date with.
CASUAL DATING MAY OR MAY
NOT STIMULATE ROMANTIC AFFECTION
There are times when people on casual dating may develop romantic feelings for each other. There are other times when only one of the parties may have romantic feelings for the other, but the other person may not even think about them or develop a romantic feeling for them. There are also situations where none of them develop any romantic feelings for each other.
2. COMMITTED DATING
Committed dating is a
form of dating where a guy proposes love to a lady, which when accepted
instigates a serious dating relationship. The parties of this relationship
become very committed to each other and take their relationship so personally.
They turn to do things
together, spend more time together than they used to, and think about each
other most of the time. A committed dating relationship involves a mixture of
emotions and when one party hurts the other, it affects them deeply. When they
handle their relationship properly, it can give birth to a loving and lasting
marriage relationship.
COMMITTED DATING IS
ACCOMPANIED BY MARITAL INTENTIONS
Unlike casual dating
where neither of the parties has any marital intentions, committed dating is
built on an anticipation of marrying each other in the future. Due to this
reason behind committed dating relationships, many people enter into it and
start having affairs with each other right from the start. It’s a wrong move,
my dear friend.
There are situations
where people agree to date and within the first one to three months of their relationship,
they end up having sex with each other. Sometimes it even happens on the very
first week. That's the wrong footing to begin such a relationship. Most of
those relationships don't make it up to the altar.
The ones which make it up
into marriage, have a lot of issues with trust and unhappiness. If you want to
build a healthy dating relationship, don't let the idea of marrying your mate
consume and control your life. Even before you begin the relationship, agree on
certain core values and set some standards that will guide your relationship
and protect each of you until marriage.
Protecting your sexual
purity until marriage should be a personal core value and a corporate agreement
when you enter into a committed dating relationship with your partner. It
increases your respect and trust for each other and helps you enjoy your memories
in your marriage.
COMMITTED DATING IS
CONSIDERED EXCLUSIVE DATING
Dating of this kind is
not like casual dating where you can be in a dating relationship with multiples
of people; in a committed dating relationship, you agree to date only one
person apart from others. The idea of commitment requires single-mindedness and
focus. It saves your energy, time, and resources and helps you make a better
decision.
COMMITTED DATING REQUIRES
A DEEPER KNOWLEDGE OF EACH OTHER'S PERSONAL LIFE
When you agree to enter
into a committed dating relationship with someone, you accept to open up your
life to them. You share your life's history with them, your weaknesses, and
strengths, your gifts and potentials, and other great plans you have for the
future.
The book for this writeup will be available God willing, next year in 2025. You can order the full book at The School Of Friendship.
(If you have questions or concerns, kindly drop it in the comment box. We will discuss it together.)
Kind regards,
JOHN ARTHUR
SOF PRESIDENT
Kindly read through some of the responses, questions and answers we had from the session.
