"If you haven’t been involved in church work, breakup will be a lovely opportunity. Go for your youth meetings, join the evangelism team on outreaches, go and organize the place for services, etc." - Edward Duodu
We would continue in this episode from where we paused in the previous session. Let's do a quick recap, and continue;
1. Don’t fight your feelings
2. Allow yourself to mourn
3. Don’t play the blame game
4. Openly discuss your feelings
5. Don’t stay connected - online or off.
You can’t move on while following your ex’s every post on Facebook. You also can’t watch their WhatsApp status and not feel a tug at your heart strings. One basic rule of a breakup, is to disconnect on all social media platforms. Though it will be the hardest thing you’ll do, you may have to remove their phone number so you aren’t tempted to text or to stalk on them.
I remember my ex changed phones and didn’t save my contact on her new phone so I wasn’t seeing her updates. But anytime I tried to see what was happening in her life with my little sister’s phone, I got the more hurt that she was moving on. My dear, don’t hurt yourself the more. Please, disconnect yourself! (At least, till you’re completely healed).
6. Keep yourself busy/indulge yourself
If there was ever a time to pamper yourself, it is after a break-up. You need to do something that will actively make yourself feel better. Indulgence can take many forms, depending upon what you really enjoy. You could...
• go to a movie with a friend
• go on a short trip
• read your favorite book
• learn an instrument
• try a new skill
If you haven’t been involved in church work, that will be a lovely opportunity. Go for your youth meetings, join the evangelism team on outreaches, go and organize the place for services, etc. As much as possible, get busy. Get busy doing the right things.
7. Don’t Lose Faith In People Or Relationships
Since you may be feeling very hurt after a break-up, it is easy to assume that all men (or women) are bad or untrustworthy, but this just isn’t true. By holding on to this belief, you will be denying yourself all kinds of opportunities for a great relationship in the future. Keep shopping! There are more gentlemen and ladies out there. The more people you meet, the greater the chance you will find your best match.
8. Take time to reflect and learn from the relationship
Every relationship can teach you something—if you let it. What areas went wrong? What did it teach you about what you want, and what doesn’t work for you? How can you be a better person and partner going forward?
Keep reminding yourself of why you’re not together and you’ll start to be turned off by the idea of rekindling. Yeah. Learning promotes growth, while self-blame (i.e. feeling you’re a failure) only extends your suffering. In my last relationship, I discovered some interesting things about myself when I took time to reflect. And I’m applying them.
And the last point... Which normally happens after quite some time... Are you ready for it?
9. Move on! Start Dating Again
This is after you have learnt from your previous relationship. Although it is often hard to decide when the best time to date again is, don’t jump right back in and don’t wait forever.
You do need to grieve the loss and discover what you can learn from the past relationship, but you also have to move on, which means beginning to date again. At the beginning, don’t jump right into a deep, meaningful, long-term relationship, just start a casual relationship. If you’re not ready to date again, enjoy singleness till the time is right
As I conclude.... Take this from my personal story... It took me about 8 months to heal from my break up. But I’m a survivor now. I didn’t commit suicide. I didn’t give up! so can you be too! Be a survivor today!
I believe this was very helpful. Let's keep in touch.
Kind regards,
EDWARD DUODU
+233 20 442 9420
MENTOR | SPEAKER
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