"Knowing who your partner is, is not about seeing them as you want them to be or as they would want to be some day. But how they are now. The “now” in a way determines the “future”." - Edward Duodu.
"And they lived happily ever after." We’ll see or hear this after love stories. And I believe we all want to live happily ever after. Although love is the foundation of any happy romantic relationship, love is often not enough to sustain a healthy relationship, even into marriage.
We can’t always choose whom we fall in love with. But taking the additional step to marry requires taking off those “love goggles” from our eyes and honestly evaluating your partner. Being able to evaluate your partner with an honest and critical eye will help you know if this is the type of person who’s well-suited to become your spouse.
"Knowing who your partner is, is not about seeing them as you want them to be or as they would want to be some day. But how they are now. The “now” in a way determines the “future”." - Edward Duodu.
- How is your partner?
- Do you walk with the person down the aisle?
- Is he/she someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?
- Waking up to see him/her lying by your side?
- Does he/she fit into the spouse qualification?
If you’re ready to move into marriage with your partner, let’s roll....What should I do to sustain my dating into marriage?
1. Every relationship must have a purpose. “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be united with his wife” For what reason? For what purpose?? If somebody asks you, “do you love me?” The answer might be probably be YES but what if the same person ask you, why are you into a relationship with him or her? Are you guys going to marry or just to keep life going?
You should have an answer to the above questions which will help you determine the limitations to apply in your relationship to avoid unnecessary regrets at last. So ask yourself, why are you in this relationship? Is it because of the money, or his looks, or the six packs, or the make up, etc? Remember that all these things do not last. Indeed the Bible says it in Proverbs 31:30 "Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!"
No wonder everyone wants a God fearing man or woman to marry. There’s a purpose for you two coming together to be in the relationship which you want to end in marriage. We can only discover that purpose in God. My dear, go to God. Don’t be carried away by the love. Seek the purpose of the Lord for the relationship.
2. Communicate clearly and often. Talking with your spouse is one of the best ways to keep your relationship/marriage healthy and successful. Be honest about what you're feeling, but be kind and respectful when you communicate. Part of good communication is being a good listener and taking the time to understand what it is your spouse wants and needs from you.
Keep the lines of communication open by talking often, not just when you want him/her to send you the pics took, data or credit. Share your thoughts and feelings. I’m almost always talking to my partner. She knows my schedules. Even when I’m busy, we still communicate.
3. Maintain closeness. Staying close to your partner isn’t something that just happens. You need to work at nurturing that closeness every day. One of the best ways to do this is to truly listen to your partner. It’s said that many people don’t listen to understand but simply wait for their turn to speak. Becoming a good listener is a skill that takes practice.
Maintaining closeness doesn’t mean you should pack and move in with your partner when you’re not married yet. Make sure you’re close in the heart and mind . Send random texts to let your partner know your thinking of him/her. Go out to spend some time together. Go and watch a movie, etc.
4. Focus on mutual respect. Arguments are going to crop up, even in the best relationships. Before you commit to marriage, do you and your partner know how to have a constructive argument without tearing each other down? This is not the time to be shouting at your partner and making the whole world know you two have an argument.
Healthy conflict resolution will allow the relationship to grow in the long term. When I have an issue with my partner that may lead to conflicts, I openly tell her how I feel. “I’m angry you did this”. “I’m hurt you said this”. And she apologies and we move on.
She respects my feelings and is committed to that. I respect her feelings too. Respect is not only about “Yes Sir, Yes Sir”. As for that one, I know you know. Holding on to grudges is a recipe for marital discord and disconnection.
5. Learn to forgive. Everyone makes mistakes. Your spouse may hurt your feelings or do something that upsets you, and that may make you angry. Let your hurtful feelings go, and move on. Don’t keep bringing up the past. Everyone is a work in progress. No one is perfect. Your partner has challenges and issues too — probably ones you can’t even fathom. So don’t be too hard. Learn to let go.
A few times, my partner told me I didn’t call her before sleeping (Y33bl3 oo). But I had to take my time to explain to her. She knows the work I do and the other things I have to attend to as well, so she understood.
Let me start drawing the curtains down. I know some of you are “married” even though you’re not “married”. You promoted yourself from relationship to marriage. I’m having a sharp end because I want you to practice the things we’re talking about. We know all these things but we don’t practice them. Won’t it be great if you started these things today?
6. Never stop saying "I love you" if you really do. When last did you look at your partners face and call her/him the sweetest names you can think of and tell her/him I LOVE YOU. The phrase “I love you” is very important in a relationship but I can tell you that most partners fail to use that word especially some relationships that have lasted for a long time.
But never get tired of saying I love you, it makes a relationship healthy. I’m sustaining my relationship into marriage, by the grace and help of God. You can do it. Just take it easy. It will be lovely to see all of marrying our partners. Please try and invite me to come. God bless you
Kind regards,
EDWARD DUODU
+233 20 442 9420
MENTOR | SPEAKER
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