"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages" - Frederick Nietzsche.
"Best friends create best marriages." - John Arthur.
"Friendship is the only relationship that gives meaning and life to marriage." - John Arthur.
"Any marriage without friendship has no future." - John Arthur.
Psychotherapist, Dr. Allan Loy McGinnis writes in his book, The Friendship Factor, “Friendship is the springboard to every other love. Friendships spill over onto the other important relationships of life.
People with no friends usually have a diminished capacity for sustaining any kind of love. They tend to go through a succession of marriages, be estranged from various family members, and have trouble getting along at work.
On the other hand, those who learn how to love their friends tend to make long and fulfilling marriages, work well on business teams, and enjoy their children.”
If you really want to achieve all the dreams and goals in your heart when you marry, then try as much as you can to marry your friend or make your spouse your best and become as such to them.
"Without friendship, marriages become ordinary." - John Arthur.
"If your spouse is your best friend, you enjoy continuous progress, growth and development forever." - John Arthur.
"If your spouse is your best friend, there will always be success and happiness in your marriage." - John Arthur.
In his book, "The four seasons of marriage", Dr. Gary Chapman shares how one of the people he mentored spoke about their marriage and the factors that necessitated the success and fulfillment in it. Let's look at briefly to know what happens when you marry your best friend.
""Jeremy and Ruth got married at eighteen and have been married for thirty years... We have been best friends since before we married and are still best friends today-which makes our marriage fun, comfortable, connected, and happy. Because we have gone through some real problems over the last few years, we have had to talk even more.
We both enjoy talking, which is great when you have been married thirty years. It feels very secure and very reassuring to be in the summer season of our marriage." "So what created such a super marriage?" I asked.
"When we married, we had the traditional vows, but privately we had some `extra' vows that we try to live by. One, an opendoor policy, no matter what. That is, we agreed that if anything was bothering one of us, the other wanted to be approached and would be willing to talk about it.
Two, we never let the sun go down on our anger. We knew that anger could be destructive to a marriage if not resolved. Incidentally, we've spent many a night up till the wee hours of the morning," she said with a smile.
"Number three, we each take care of our appropriate family members in the way we see fit, because we were both raised so differently.""
"To be a best friend in marriage, you need to be friendship-conscious." - John Arthur.
When you marry, don't assume your wife or husband is automatically your best friend; take the steps to establish an uncommon friendship with them beyond the marital relationship you have with them.
Friendship relationship and marriage relationship are two separate and distinct relationships. The presence of one doesn't imply the existence of the other. There has to be conscious efforts and deliberate decisions to build each of them just as every other real relationship so built.
Spend quality time with your spouse and get closer to them. Don't just relate with them on the basis of the marital relationship. Aside the fulfilment of your marital duties and responsibilities, there should be the room for two of you to soak yourself into each other's life without any marital grounds.
You both have to see each other as your best friend aside the fact that you are each other's spouse. Until you relate with each other on the basis of friendship, aside the marital relationship you would never enjoy true friendship with each other.
Everything you do for each other will be received on the basis of marriage even if you're working in the room of friendship. There has to be that form of consciousness of the existence of a friendship relationship between both of you to enable you enjoy every part of the relationships you have.
Kind regards,
JOHN ARTHUR,
AUTHOR | SPEAKER | PRESIDENT,
THE SCHOOL OF FRIENDSHIP.