Introduction
Sexual attraction toward a friend or partner can be one of the hardest feelings to manage, especially when it conflicts with your values, boundaries, or future goals. Having feelings is not wrong — but how you handle them will determine whether you protect or damage your relationship. This guide shares nine practical and faith-centered ways to help you control those feelings, maintain self-respect, and build a healthy, lasting connection.
1. Avoid being together in the same room for longer periods of time
If he wants to visit you, suggest meeting at a restaurant or café (KFC, Pizzaman, Hutchland City, etc.) for just a drink while you talk and spend time together. This allows you to spend time together without creating an environment that might encourage temptation.
2. Avoid talking on the phone late into the night
Make it a personal rule not to make calls after 9 p.m. (I’m still working on that myself). Late-night chats can create emotional vulnerability and make it easier for feelings to grow. Instead, protect your sleep and peace of mind.
3. Don’t use romantic comments or words that incite closeness
Avoid statements like, “I can’t wait to marry you,” “If I don’t marry you, I’ll die,” or comments on parts of the body, such as, “I like your lips.” Stop them.
When you keep saying such things, they’ll begin to find expression in your life. You may eventually be pushed to act on them because the mind would have already been prepared. What you keep talking about, you bring about.
4. Avoid inappropriate touches
Don’t hold each other inappropriately. Long, tight hugs, walking with your hands on each other’s shoulders, or other unhealthy touches can stir the mind toward romance. Avoid them or limit them if you can.
Every sin a person commits starts in the mind. If you avoid things that make you think about it, you can overcome it. If a situation catches you off guard, leave the place or fight your way out.
5. Limit the number of calls you make in a day or week
If you talk five times a day, reduce it to one. If your calls are uncountable in a week, try making them three times a week, until it gets to once a week. Make it intentional — call the same day every week, at the same time, and for the same length of time.
Don’t answer immediately; sometimes let it be a missed call and return it after 15 minutes or the following day or two. This will slowly kill unhealthy feelings and help you act normally toward each other.
6. Avoid spending long periods chatting every day
If it happens once in a while, that’s fine, but don’t let it become a habit. Before you chat or talk, know which conversations matter most to you — whether it’s about sharing emotional pain, talking about visions and plans, or having light, funny talks.
Let them know your conversational needs so that your talks remain healthy. Even 30 minutes a week can carry meaning when the focus is right.
7. Get to know yourself personally
Study your weaknesses and strengths, and work on them to become better. Identify what makes you vulnerable to wanting sex — being alone in a room, certain times of the month, certain touches?
Avoid those things. Find habit replacements: when you feel sexual urges, do something positive. Read books, attend seminars, and grow your knowledge of who you are.
8. Get to know each other in non-romantic ways
Invite them to church with you, attend programs, conferences, seminars, and social events together. Use those moments to study how they behave and relate to others. This will help you love them genuinely without mixing it with sexual desires.
9. Pray for God to help you
Don’t rely on your own strength — you’ll fail. As you apply all the above steps, depend on the Holy Spirit to guide you. Ask Him daily to help you overcome the desires of the flesh, and trust that He is working in you.
But don’t intentionally give in to pleasure. Faith without works is dead. If you believe God is helping you, act accordingly. A time will come when you won’t even feel the urge for romantic closeness.
Conclusion
Overcoming sexual feelings for a friend or partner is not about denying your humanity but about guarding your values, your heart, and your relationship. Boundaries are not restrictions — they are safeguards.
As you apply these nine steps, your relationship will shift from being driven by impulse to being rooted in respect, maturity, and genuine love.
Kind regards,
JOHN ARTHUR,
AUTHOR & PRESIDENT,
THE SCHOOL OF FRIENDSHIP.